Sitting in my seat as the credits were rolling in the theater last night, I felt like the Principal of Billy Madison's school:

Exodus: Gods and Kings, what you've just shown me is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent film were you even close to anything that could be considered an entertaining scene. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having seen it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

When I discovered that the director behind of one of my favorite films, "Gladiator," who also directed the greatest commercial of all time, "Apple Mac: 1984," was involved in an epic film based on one of my most treasured narratives, I mentally circled it as a date night on my calendar with my wife.

But, halfway through the feature length epic, I found myself longing for the film to end more than Glenn Beck desires for 2016 to come and finish off Obama's presidency.

I didn't hate the film because of its portrayal of Almighty God as a prepubescent vindictive deity who is more unsure of himself than an uncoordinated middle school boy in gym class.

I didn't hate the film because of its cheesy British accents, its shallow portrayal of faith, or its wasted visual beauty.

I hated it because I wasn't entertained.

I couldn't relate to Moses. I didn't empathize with the plight of the Israelites. I didn't even hate the sinful Egyptians. They weren't the evil overlords who enslaved other humans for their own pleasure and spit in the face of God, they were just simply poor capitalists who were a little too clumsy and greedy.

At the few points where the film could have grabbed me, it fell faster than Adam and Eve at a garden party hosted by a serpent serving forbidden fruit. Moses's relationship to Ramses could have driven the entire film, but the interplay between the two was more forced and awkward than teacher assigned lab partners on the first day of biology class freshman year. The on-screen relationship had the tension potential of Maximus (Russell Crowe) and Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) in Gladiator. But, even one of the best directors in Hollywood couldn't salvage the dry, emotionless writing of the studio sanctioned attempt to pander to both mainstream and evangelical culture.

As an evangelical, I know that the Word of God is the primary source for my spiritual nourishment and I am not offended when Hollywood completely botches the stories I love from it. But, Hollywood should produce a compelling story regardless of its faithfulness to the original to keep me in my seat and entertained. This is why I enjoyed Noah. Hollywood created a great story. I connected with the main character and found it to be overall, entertaining. I won't let it sit in my church's library, but I'd recommend it to Netflix subscribers for an evening on the couch with their spouse.

I think this is what made me most upset. The film's blatant disregard for the storytelling tastes of evangelicals.

This is why I was shocked to find a Hollywood produced film that was attempting to engage evangelicals by lowering their own storytelling standards.

Christian films, like Fireproof, God's Not Dead, and Facing the Giants, have been scrutinized by mainstream critics for presenting a romanticized view of faith that doesn't look like the reality they live in.

On the contrary, films that win Academy Awards are those who take a hard look a social issues, create a compelling narrative, and deliver it with thespian excellence regardless of whether it will be received well by religious folks or not.

Exodus tried to find a way out of the poor quality of religious films while maintaining a quasi-religious message.

But, in the end, it won't find the promise land of the evangelical DVD collection or the Oscars, the only place Exodus: Gods and Kings will be delivered is into the trash can.